i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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