just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
