I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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