I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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