I wanna bring you to show and tell
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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