I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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