watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
