she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
