dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
