omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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