I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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