was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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