At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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