am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
