I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
