i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
