im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
