if i died would you start the facebook group?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
