Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
