community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
