I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
