Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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