Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
