I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
