let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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