now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
