So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
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I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
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Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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