I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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