yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize