Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
whose parrot is this?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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