if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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