I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
