There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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