Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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