blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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