i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
