this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
