my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
