Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
