The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.