She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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