my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
