Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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