Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
