I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
