Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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