Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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