I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
