"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he was CRYING into my vagina
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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