He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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