there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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