He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
