When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
