at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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