You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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