You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
