college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
