we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
