you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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