just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
