i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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