why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
