Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
