you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize