Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
