I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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